January 12th through 18th: Shit is Getting Real!

Oh Thursday., I went in early to transport I kid to school. Then I had to testify at court. Well I was due there at 9am. They didn't hear me till 1140! Now I am still not diagnosed. The only hint they saw at the ER were lytic lesions on my pelvic and back. But the symptoms I was having were very real. By 11:40 I had not eating or drank anything since about 840am. I had a major headache, light headed and was dizzy. I would call these spells as I have been having them for the last 8 months or so. When I get them I used to say "I am riding the wave." Well this was bad. I was seeing double. I couldn't answer questions and I could barely read the paper in front of me. I knew testifying would be horrific at this point but nothing I could do. The court liaison looked at me under my jacket and asked if I was alright. I told her no through my eyes of tears. I explained what I was going through. She told the attorney and yet they still put one on the stand.

I could not get out of that court room fast enough. But it didn't matter as the waves were coming to an end as it was nearing 1:15pm.

I continued the day and worked till 9pm. Again, out with Tony. This time still in pain, still having a headache, and still extremely tired! But I was off tomorrow. I could sleep in a little. And if any of you work off OT. You need that OT! I knew in my head a normal paycheck isn't paying the bills. I am not sure who anyone is kidding but this is going to be one tough reality check. UGG


Friday, January 13, 2017! Eddie and I arrive at Fox Chase. There are mixed feeling but I am pretty positive. Thinking to have a good outlook on things. And also 12 days till I leave for Disneyland. Oh yeah, I had planned a trip for me, my daughter and my mother to fly to California and met her sister, brother in law and my cousins to spend time together and see Disneyland. I have a goal for my daughter, Giulianna, seeing all 48 consecutive states by the time she is 18!

Ok sorry for the side track. Back to reality. Eddie and I met with Dr. Movva. Dr. Movva goes over all my labs and my scans from the ER. Dr. Movva states (very clearly) "all your labs look good. And this clearly doesn't point to cancer. But just to air on the side of caution let's run the labs again and do some MRI." It was like 100lb weights lift off my shoulders. I made Eddie repeat it several times. I went down for labs and scheduled the MRI the day before I leave for Disneyland. I mean it isn't CANCER so why not take the final before you leave, you know your passing it anyway.

Eddie and I leave the hospital and go to lunch. We talk and have a great day. We go shopping and just laugh and spend time together. I made calls to my aunt and mom letting them know what she said. Everyone is happy.

I have a normal weekend. Ok well as normal as I am use to. There is still pain, nausea, lightheadedness, weak legs, headaches, neck aches and extreme tiredness. I do what I can.

Monday was a holiday so I had decided to go to the poconos and get away for a few days, clear my head from the craziness. Giulianna and I went with Rita and her son Jamison. We left late Saturday night and went to crayola factory on Sunday. It was a good time just hanging out talking. I did let Rita in on what was going on. Talking relaxing and enjoying life again. Came home Monday to my version of normal. I know the MRI was still pending but I felt confident from Dr. Movva that I was out of the clear.

Tuesday again in work early to transport a kid. Tuesday I had to drive to Salem county jail to interview a client. Tony drove. Before going I missed a call from Dr. Movva. I called back and had to leave a message. Dr. Movva's message "Monica please contact me as we really need to discuss something."

Now I am in the jail. My mind is racing. WTF? Does this lady need to discuss. If anyone knows anything.. there are rules in a jail Rule #1 no cell phones. So as I spend the next 2 hours in the jail. Dr. Movva leave 3 new messages. All of the same urgency. And finally asking a good time to call as she will be off tomorrow and really needs to speak to me. At this point, I am done. Emotionally I am all over! People this isn't the OB calling congratulating you on a pregnancy. This is an oncologist calling with a damn purpose. I call back and leave her a message. It is now 4:30pm. We all know at 4:30pm the likely hood of getting a call back is 1:1000! So I am going to have to go sit and wait.

Wednesday comes and goes. And to ask me what happened Wednesday. I would be lying if I told you I knew. The only thing I remember is the nurse from Fox Chase calling and saying "Dr. Movva is out today but she asked that I contact you with a good time to call you to speak to you tomorrow." ( Shit just got fucking real) As I say to the nurse, between 8-12 because I will be in the field after. She says "oh your working. I am sorry." HUH? "Thank you Ms. Mallon. I will let her know." Like what did she mean by "oh your working?" What am I suppose to be doing? Siting at home. What are those results? I know she knows?

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

Ok we all know between the phone calls from the doctor and the nurse, this isn't good news. I don't care how anyone wants to spin it. She is giving me some news that I don't want to hear. Some news that is going to be life altering. Some news that oh fuck it... I have CANCER!! Isn't that why I went there. That GODDAMN word!