January 9, 2017

I started work like a normal day. Although the pain was terrible, I went in at 7am and worked. I called the GYN thinking my IUD had moved or was causing the pain in my right leg and hip. Around 11am, I received a call from my GYN to head to Virtua ER as the signs were alarming.

Now let's remind everyone I am at work sitting at my desk. As I try to remain calm, I pick up my desk phone dial Belinda's extension. No Answer. Shit. Ok Call her cell. No Answer. GODDAMN. Now what. I am texting Eddie explaining what DR said. He is saying get a ride to ER he will meet me there. So glad it is that easy in his world. See, my car is being used by my mom. In August, during one for her "great decisions". She turned her lease in and decided she didn't need a car and would "burrow" my car as needed. Well that turned into her having my car daily. Which let me let you understand. I work crazy hours. She takes my daughter to and from school, piano, voice lessons, library, orthodontist and any other appointments needed. So to me her having the car and me sucking it up is necessary.

So my next move was walking into my MALE bosses office closing the door and again trying to hold it together. I calmly explain that my GYN called me back and told me I need to get to the ER now. He says "well lets go." He stands up and puts on his coat. I, because I am hard headed and avoiding, ask him if there is anything I need to do for work first etc. He says, " Nope. I need to use the restroom. Text Eddie to meet you and let's go."


With a coffee and banana in my hand, my boss and I leave the office and head to Voorhees as the DR recommend we go to the hospital they are affiliated with in case any surgery needed to be done. Chris, my boss, stays with me.

Eddie arrived and the next 10 hours were a waiting game of testing and scans. To be told the IUD was placed correctly and there didn't seem to be a problem. After a lengthy conversation, they agreed removal would be best. I was told I had to wait for the available OBGYN as she was delivering a baby upstairs.

At 8:30pm, the ER doctor walked into the room and sat on the bed across from me. As the words spoke from her mouth, my mind stopped. My brain stopped. There is nothing in the world to prepare you for the time a doctor says "there is a chance they could be cancerous ." WTF are you talking about I came into the ER because my IUD was bothering me. Now your telling me you see lytic lesions on my pelvic and back and that I have to see an oncologist ASAP because you have concerns.
Your mind shifts quickly. I started thinking about my 12 year old the things we haven't done. The promises I have made for her. What about work? Geez this is so much! I ask the doctor, "are you sure?" This is the worse news you can hear. I can't even think clearly. As you have someone asking if your okay and you can't respond because in your head you don't know how to answer that!
Is this real!? Am I dreaming? As you get your stuff to leave, you still don't know what to say or how to act.

As I sit in the car with Eddie, we look at each other. And at the same time, "I wish they said, 'your pregnant.'" Damn I could have handled that better. But this.?! How do I get through this?! As he holds my hand, he says, "we will get trough it. We will fight."

Only 3 months into a relationship and this man is going to fight this battle with me. I don't even want to fight this battle.. but he has agreed.

I offered him an out. That night I said this isn't what you signed on for. You wanted to have fun, go places, and enjoy life. This isn't what you agreed to.. he turned to me "but I agreed to support you and care for you. So I agreed to this. Everything together."

And so it begins the battle of my life...